Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
