if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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