Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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