I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
