My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
