It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
