someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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