my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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