Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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