I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize