Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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