he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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