I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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