mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
