I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize