so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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