Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
