i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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