fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
its liver damage thursday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
