so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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