eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize