you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
