I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
