That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
