her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
