My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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