Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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