those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im holly from the hills drunk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
