Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
