u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize