fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
