but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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