You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
