trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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