I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
