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Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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