Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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