he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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