how can u be prego again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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