nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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