Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
