this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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