The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
