i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm really busy with my period
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