I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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