I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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