I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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