:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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