all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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