i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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