I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
