mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
