I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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