Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
