i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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