I can text with my tongue
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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