we have officially lost it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
