we're blogging at a bar
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
