i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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