The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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