I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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