he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
