Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
