Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
