I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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