I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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