she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
