Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
