Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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