There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
