Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
