it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
