eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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