Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
