party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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